Call It Off
by silentmusic16
Summary: Torn between desire and what she feels is the 'right' thing to do, Kumiko struggles with making a decision that will affect her and Reina's futures. Will the 'red string of fate' hold fast, or unravel?
1. Chapter 1

**This is the first non-oneshot story I've written in years, and I spent quite a bit of time on it. All I can hope for is that it's an enjoyable experience for anyone reading it.**

 **I don't own _Hibike! Euphonium_ , nor do I own the picture I used for the cover.**

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Content and in love, Kumiko Oumae and Reina Kousaka lived together above a small market a year after their graduation from high school. The brunette attended a local university with her major still undeclared. Reina had already dropped out of college; her dream was to be a professional musician and she didn't think a degree would make or break this career path. Reina spent the day playing her trumpet or otherwise watching the practices and performances of the esteemed local wind ensemble, which she desired to join more than anything at that moment. Their apartment was western styled, comfortable but small, with a tiny kitchen, a living room, and a bedroom with a single bed that the two shared. Between Kumiko's part-time job and the money sent by their respective families each month, they managed to stay comfortable and well fed.

Kumiko entered the apartment on a cloudy autumn day, plopping down her books and the bag of grocery items she brought home for that night's dinner. A cursory glance told her that Reina wasn't inside the apartment; for such a seemingly formal girl the trumpet player was known to leave quite the mess when she was lounging about. Kumiko didn't have to wonder for long where the girl went, however. The brilliant tones of a trumpet came in from outside on the apartment's patio and flowed on an invisible river of sound. The breeze carried those notes far off into the distance, causing a flock of birds on a powerline to take off in unison. That same breeze shook the boughs and branches of the great trees that lined and surrounded the city in autumnal oranges and reds, and similarly rippled through Reina's hair in a mesmerizing fashion. For a moment the euphonium player dared not approach the patio at all; ruining this sight would be tantamount to murder. She could see the determination in Reina's eyes, eyes that the trumpet player refused to close as though in defiance of a world that didn't like people who tried to be 'special' the way that Reina worked so hard to be. Kumiko let her finish the song she was practicing before opening the door.

"Reina," she smiled "I'll be making dinner soon, okay?"

The smile was returned in full "What's on the menu?"

"Chicken donburi!"

Kumiko left the girl to practice a bit more while she herself began to cook. This was the everyday routine the two young girls followed, without much variation, for nearly a year. Kumiko was happy simply being with Reina and going to school at this junction of her life, just as she had felt since their friendship was rekindled in their high school wind ensemble. However, Kumiko was not so sure that Reina felt the same way. She worried if the trumpet player wasn't bored and restless, wasn't growing tired of this unending daily sameness. Reina desired to become 'special' more than anything, an unparalleled master in her art. Was this domestic life okay with her? The girl's nervous fingers, her distracted stares; Kumiko watched them without comment and could barely hold in the words that threatened to spill out in what would ultimately be a painfully awkward admittance of doubt and unintentional hurt.

At dinner that night Reina seemed more fretful than usual. She was hardly touching her food and instead fingered the notes of a song she was practicing with intensity and focus. While the black-haired girl still mostly played orchestral pieces, she had recently fell in love with jazz music and worked hard to practice a style that was new and unique to her.

"Reina," Kumiko asked. "Everything alright?"

The distracted musician shook herself out of her reverie and smiled at her girlfriend. "I'm going to play at the bar tonight, okay? I've gotta get myself out there."

"A-ah okay. I'll probably be asleep when you get home."

Reina gave another smile, "Don't worry, I won't wake you; I'll sleep on the couch if it comes to that. I wouldn't want to upset Sleeping Beauty." she giggled at the end.

Kumiko gave her a sarcastically playful laugh, but the prospect of sleeping alone in bed bothered her the more she thought about it. No matter when she arrived home, the euphonium player wanted Reina there beside her in bed: to hug close, or unconsciously grab in the dark, or even have the blankets stolen by, if that's what it came to. But she remained silent about this as well; Reina was not one to really understand that kind of sentimentality, not with her one-track mind. With something of a smile Kumiko remembered the trumpeter's confusion back in high school when admiration and a need for professional acceptance became a concoction Reina thought of as love for her much-respected conductor, although in truth that wasn't the case.

Dinner ended without much more to (secretly) upset Kumiko, which she was thankful for. Despite the amount of homework she had, however, she found herself desiring attention - physical attention from Reina. The craving expanded outwards through her fingers, her throat, almost escaping her lips had she not been too embarrassed to really say how she felt. She plopped down on the couch beside Reina, who had been busy reading a biography of the world famous trumpet player Dizzy Gillespie. Kumiko laughed and laid her chin on the girl's shoulder, rubbing her face in that luscious black hair, still giggling, breathing on her neck. Reina laughed a bit and accepted the advances at first, even giving a kiss to Kumiko's warm and blushing cheek. But it wasn't long before she firmly pushed Kumiko away and fixed her hair with a couple of passes of her hand.

"C-cut it out," she said, frowning with a blush. "I don't want to be distracted during my performance later on."

Dejected, Kumiko sat back on the couch and moved a few inches away from her girlfriend. Reina went back to reading; Kumiko stared at the tv without really seeing it while she pondered the true feelings of the girl beside her.

~!~

When night fell on the city Reina left the apartment without noticing the awkward air surrounding Kumiko. "I'll be back later tonight"," she called. "Good night!"

The euphonium player responded with a quick "good night," but she had no intention of staying home and sleeping.

She killed an hour slightly disguising herself; she'd be going out tonight. Wearing a large coat and a hat to hide her peculiar hair, the girl felt mighty prepared for her 'spying mission'. Another thirty minutes were spent calming herself down, and when her nerves were settled she exited the apartment and locked the door behind her.

The air was cool that night, cooler than autumn had any right to be. Kumiko shivered but was thankful that the large jacket provided protection both from Reina's eyes and from the wind. She was, for the first time, going to watch Reina play at the bar a few blocks away. The trumpet player had requested that this was something Kumiko didn't attend.

"You already know how I play, and you support me. I need the club to be as full of new people as it can be; the more chances to get discovered, the better."

Kumiko had respected this request every other time that Reina played in the bar, but not this time. At home Reina was lacking in passion and Kumiko needed to see the fire reignited in the girl she fell in love with.

The club, in the older sense of the word, was the only remaining jazz bar in the city, tucked away between two large and modern shops that had been built around the well-loved establishment. The place was decked out in oak and brass and was entered down a set of stairs into something like a large and well furnished basement, complete with a stage. During the day the bar was closed, but at night the sound of music could be heard at all hours even from out on the streets. Kumiko nervously looked around before entering, still not sure if this was the right place. All doubt left her mind when she was greeted by the beautiful notes of a tenor sax upon entering the bar; Reina certainly wouldn't have played anywhere that she didn't approve of as musically worthy, or filled with 'opponents' to compete against.

Doing her best to keep a low profile, Kumiko slinked along the back wall and took a seat at an empty round table at the rear of the club. She could see the stage perfectly from where she sat and she hoped that she hadn't accidentally missed Reina playing. More anxious than she'd like to admit, Kumiko sat at her table and waited for her girlfriend to get on stage. There were murmurs all around her between each player's set. The hum of human communication was a music in its own right, with a tempo and pitch and life all its own.

An hour had passed, maybe two, before the MC introduced Reina to the stage. Kumiko had watched a number of different acts before her, including a small jazz trio and a singular acoustic guitar singer-songwriter. They provided a calming distraction to her anxious nerves, a salve for her fluttering feelings.

"And now, our final act of the night: Reina Kousaka." the announcer said, his voice smooth. He walked off the stage with a few clicks following his heels and moments later Reina confidently strolled out, shining brass trumpet in her hand. She appeared fae-like in a sleeveless white dress, despite the outside frigidness.

It may have been because of the single sun of a spotlight shining down in golden rays, or it may have been the way the room went quiet when she appeared. It might've been the way her eyes seemed to look into each and every person in the crowd at once, almost challenging them to listen to her as well as they could. Whatever it was, the moment Reina stepped onto the stage Kumiko's heart skipped a beat. Reina's power and beauty overwhelmed everybody in the crowd. Kumiko couldn't peel her eyes away, couldn't do anything but wait with baited breath for the girl to start playing.

And play she did. The song she performed, Woody Shaw's "Desert Moonlight", was a favorite of her's and everyone in the room could hear it. Like some otherworldly magic the music seemed to both elevate her to some higher plane of existence while simultaneously casting the same measure of control over the crowd. People were absolutely entranced. The bar owner, by now jaded, opened his eyes in surprise. People out in the streets stopped as they heard the notes pour forth from the door and listened for the wonderfully short eternity that Reina played. All, besides the girl on stage, were still; her eyes were opened, staring down on the crowd with a challenge - tell her that she's wrong, that she doesn't have what it takes, that she's not special - and with tones like the trumpets that brought down the walls of Jericho she will prove you wrong. She will overcome.

And Kumiko, poor Kumiko, was so mesmerized that she could do nothing but grip her hands tighter and fight back the tears. Here they were: the passion and emotion and _love_ that Kumiko thought Reina had been missing. This was who she truly was when unshackled from domesticity for even a few hours, blooming like a flower in the springtime sun after an eternity of moonless winter nights. This was _Reina_ , and her mere presence was overwhelming, was entirely different than anything Kumiko could experience in real life. The bar had been elevated into a shrine to Reina's spirit more than anything else.

In a daze Kumiko quietly exited the building, under the cover of an immeasurably loud applause. One glance back showed Reina bowing once, twice, with the repressed smile she showed the world when she wasn't performing. Kumiko didn't look back after that.

On the walk home Kumiko was still in a daze from the beauty of what she witnessed and the horror of what she realized. The realization was as follows: she had to break it off with Reina if the other girl was to ever achieve her goal of being 'special'. She was holding Reina back unintentionally. While fighting tears Kumiko resolved one thing: she would not get in the way of the girl she loved. She wouldn't be the reason that Reina wasn't 'special'.

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 **Thanks for reading! Reviews and criticism are greatly appreciated; I've been away from writing for a while and need all the help and advice I can get.**

 **The story's title comes from the Tegan and Sara song of the same name, by the way.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I hope everyone continues to enjoy the way this story progresses! This is part two (of four).**

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The days following the incident at the bar were for Reina rather normal, and for Kumiko near torture. Trapped between her realization from the night of the bar performance (that she had to break up with Reina) and her desire to have the trumpet player all to herself (to be selfish and keep the girl in a gilded cage) Kumiko felt as though she was in something of a deep fog, lost and unsure of her next move or its possible consequences.

That very same night she nearly raced home in order to get back before Reina had a chance to learn of her deception. Her chest rose and fell fast while she locked the door behind her and arranged the apartment to make it seem as though she had been there all night. The brunette had barely taken off her disguise and gotten into bed before she heard the door open and Reina enter, the trumpet player trying hard to be quick and quiet. In the dark room Kumiko could do nothing but stare at the wall and try to calm her racing heart. Various pieces of furniture around the bedroom cast long, frightening shadows due to the light coming in from the window. A few banging sounds and a slight thud were the last bits of noise before the creak of the sofa told Kumiko that Reina had chosen the couch as her bed for the night. Oh, how she longed to feel Reina beside her! But this, for tonight, was impossible. Kumiko fell asleep feeling lonelier than she had in a very long time.

~!~

Haruka Ogasawara, former upperclassmen and bandmate to both Kumiko and Reina, had a knack for interior design as far as Kumiko was concerned. The girl's room was decorated with homey quilt patterns and timeless wood furniture, as though Haruka herself grew up in a small European village rather than their Japanese town. The two had kept in touch on a less than regular basis since Haruka left high school, but Kumiko sought out her old upperclassman for such an odd relationship problem rather than her two closer friends Hazuki and Sapphire - or Midori, actually. She thought that the more mature girl might offer more mature advice.

Haruka placed two cups of tea on the small round table in her room and then sat herself across from Kumiko.

After a sip of tea she asked a simple question. "Why is it that you want to break up with Reina again? I'm not sure that I understood your text…."

Kumiko fidgeted. "Y-you see, Reina might be unhappybutshe'sstillsointohermusicandifthat'swhatshewantsthen - "

:"Slower, slower." Haruka interjected, almost motherly. "Calm down a bit Kumiko."

The brunette took a deep breath. "It feels like I'm holding her back. She's got a bright future ahead of her, but she's wasting it being cooped up in a relationship with me."

Haruka frowned into her tea and placed a calm hand on Kumiko's shaking one.

"Don't think of yourself that way, Oumae." she started "You were her biggest supporter back in high school. I'm sure you're still someone she needs in her life. You're in a romantic relationship, after all."

Kumiko didn't believe she was getting her point across, and began wringing her hands as they rested in her lap. "That's kinda the point; I just...I just don't know if our relationship - if my support - is worth her future."

Haruka averted her gaze as she searched for the proper way to word what she wanted to say next. When her mind was made up, she stared Kumiko straight in the eye.

"I have two questions for you, Kumiko. One: do you love Reina?"

"Absolutely. That's one of the few things I know for certain right now."

Haruka took another sip of her tea. "Two: which would you prioritize? Your happiness, or Reina's career?"

This was the heart of the problem for Kumiko; when brought to light by someone else, it felt perversely invasive. She knew that this was exactly what she'd come to Haruka for in the first place and yet for a moment she wished she hadn't gone at all; the euphonium player just wasn't sure if she was ready to tackle this question yet.

"I-in a perfect world, both would be equally important to me." she started. "And there's a part of me that would like to keep her all to myself, like...like some kind of pet or something. But I do love her. I want her to do what she wants - what she's wanted since forever. I want her to succeed as a musician - as an exceptional person. If that means that we can't be together, then…."

"That's just what you were saying when you came here, but I thought maybe you were being reactionary. You've clearly been thinking about this for a while."

Haruka once again placed a motherly hand on Kumiko's, now adding a look of pity, or of sympathy. "I think it'd be wonderful if you two stayed together. Really, I do. But your mind seems made up. That said, I do have one more question for you. Maybe it's the most important one."

Kumiko looked at Haruka expectantly, almost child-like, with apprehension and trust in equal parts. "Yeah?"

"Have you asked Reina how she feels about any of this yet?"

~!~

Haruka's final question filled the brunette's mind her entire way home. In fact, she nearly missed her station while occupied by her thoughts. While this entire problem (that is, breaking up with the trumpet player) was at its heart all for Reina, Kumiko hadn't _actually_ considered how her girlfriend might really feel at all. The 'evidence' that she was bored of domesticity [of their relationship (of Kumiko herself)] might be Kumiko's mistaken analysis, or even projection; was Reina really all that bored of their life together? Or was her listless, distracted attitude caused by something else? That she immediately jumped to the conclusion of disatisfaction without any clear reasoning annoyed Kumiko now like a mosquito bite in a place she couldn't itch. The brunette made up her mind to find out one way or another how Reina truly felt.

Only three days passed since her meeting with Haruka, but the euphonium enthusiast had spent all of it trying to figure out how best to glean the information that she wanted out of her girlfriend. The info had come to her by none other than Reina herself, although the trumpet player certainly didn't know what she had inadvertently done. Reina stormed into the apartment like a hurricane, slamming down her purse on the counter and the door behind her all in one angry motion. Kumiko nearly jumped out of her skin, scared to death in the middle of her nightly studying session.

"What happened to you?" Kumiko asked as Reina angrily threw herself onto the couch. Frustration radiated off of her skin in waves.

"I wasn't chosen for the ensemble again! I don't know what it is that I've done wrong either; the conductor won't tell me."

Kumiko placed a comforting hand on Reina's knee. "I'm sure that next time - "

"Next time?" she nearly whispered in response. The difference between the frail answer and her earlier anger was staggering.

"Well yeah, I'm sure the next time you try will go better."

"At this rate, I don't think there'll be a next time."

Kumiko couldn't believe her ears. "But what happened to being special? To your dream?"

Reina didn't answer for some time, as though she was sorting through the words in her head letter by letter. "Maybe I'm just not as good as I thought I was. It's possible that I can't be special after all."

This admittance, this pitiful and frail look on the face of a hardy, self-strong girl was not going to be accepted. Kumiko couldn't allow this line of thinking to poison her girlfriend's mind. She wouldn't allow it to spread like ink in water, to discolor and dilute the talent of such a wonderfully budding musician. " _Self doubt is my thing, not hers."_ Kumiko thought with a rueful laugh.

She took the girl by the shoulders then and turned to look straight into Reina's piercing eyes, wet with held-back tears.

"Don't you ever, ever think like that Reina. I've stood by you all these years because I know just how good you are. Don't start doubting yourself now - what happened to the stubborn, one-track minded girl I fell in love with?"

It was Reina that initiated their hug then, and gave her partner a tender kiss. "Was that supposed to be a compliment?" she asked, half joking after a sniffle.

"Maybe you're just nervous for once." Kumiko put forward. "It could all be in this pretty little head of yours." She tapped on the girl's temple.

Reina blushed a bit and looked away, still not entirely comfortable with romantic expression. "Well, when my head's filled with worries about failing you or disappointing you or leaving you or something, I just…."

And with such few words, Kumiko's decision became that much more difficult. Well, those words and the wonderful warmth of Reina's bare skin on her's, her weight, her scent, all those distracting and delicious signs of life exemplified in the organism named 'Reina Kousaka'.

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 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Reviews and criticism are always appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's part three of four. We're almost done!**

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" _Will you stay with me?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _You won't abandon me?"_

" _If I do, you can kill me."_

" _I'll_ actually _kill you."_

" _You probably would, Reina. I'm prepared for that. This is a confession of love, after all."_

This memory played over and over in the brunette's mind ever since it had reappeared in her dream the night before. It was her first confession of love to Reina, a response to Reina's own declaration on that moonlit mountain clearing. The confession was a promise, a pact, to stay with the Reina through thick or thin, through victory and villainy. If she were to leave the girl now - for the trumpet player's own good, of course - would that be _abandoning_ her girlfriend, or would it be the ultimate action of support?

Reina was out again watching the members of the local wind ensemble practice. Kumiko had gone with her only once in order to stifle her curiosity. She and Reina sat in the back of the auditorium and basked in the glory of the sound coming at them, of the light gleaming off of the brass instruments, of the purity of the stark white and black declaring itself from the clothing of the conductor and players like the world's only truths. The auditorium's lights, dim orange like flame, seemed to dance before her eyes in time with the wonderful music she was hearing. Reina watched intently and the fire in her eyes was unquenchable. Her hand in Kumiko's, however, gave away a nervousness in its trembling. Only by the way Kumiko gripped her hand ever so tightly, the way she rubbed the back of Reina's hand with her thumb, could the other girl be calmed. The two of them stayed like that even after the practice ended and the band members left, as if under a spell. While all of the players passed them on the way out, only the conductor seemed to give the girls any notice. When he passed them he stared Reina in the eyes (expression unreadable) but walked on still and didn't utter a word.

That was it! Kumiko stood up from her seat. If she could just talk with the conductor, if she could just learn why it was that he refused Reina time and time again, she might be able to help the girl she loved without defecting to her plan of emotional self-sacrifice. After all, Reina wanted to be 'special' - an ambiguous and grandiose prospect - and Kumiko dared to hope that she might be able to have a part in that, wherever it lead.

~!~

Kumiko looked at her watch four times in five minutes, growing more and more impatient with every increment. _Was time always this slow?_ She wondered frustratedly. She leaned on the side of the ensemble's auditorium in her "disguise" from the night of Reina's solo show and waited for the end of practice, hoping to catch the conductor as he left. Kumiko was so distracted by the snail's pace of time that she was very nearly caught by Reina herself. Raven hair crossed her eyesight as though a bird flew before her face when Reina exited the building, and had Kumiko not turned her back quickly she'd have been recognized.

In groups of twos and threes the ensemble members exited the building, distractedly or with relief. They talked among themselves and those who could carry their instruments kept them in handheld clamshells, or slung over their backs in cases that jostled with each step. Kumiko kept a lookout for the conductor. Ten minutes passed. Then fifteen.

"Oi, where's is that stupid conductor?" she grumbled to herself, folding her arms.

"Right here."

Kumiko jumped out of her skin and turned around in one quick movement. "Ah!"

"You seemed to have been looking for me." the conductor responded. His voice was powerful, to match his large body and wide shoulders. Like when she first saw him Kumiko couldn't understand the emotion on his face - or lack thereof. Only his single raised eyebrow gave any indication of his mood.

"Y-yes," she cleared her throat and willed her nerves to steel. "I was wondering why Reina Kousaka still hasn't been accepted into your ensemble. She's great at what she does - heavenly, really."

"Reina Kousaka...black haired trumpet player, no?"

She nodded.

"She's good, that's for sure. Better than good."

"Right! But you haven't let her play in your group."

"Right."

"But...uh, why?"

"There's a lot of spunk in her. A lot of fire. But when she performs for us, it feels like she's holding back. I can't accept someone into my fold who won't give us her everything, and more."

"She's not giving her everything?" Kumiko swallowed hard - was that what Reina meant when she admitted her fears the night before? Was the possibility of failing, or disappointing, or leaving Kumiko affecting Reina so bad that it kept her from playing as well as she could? This self-fulfilling prophecy, this vicious cycle, seemed to be the one obstacle between Reina and her dream.

" _No,"_ Kumiko thought, a chill running down her spine - into her lungs, threatening her warm and beating heart - " _No,_ I'm _the obstacle. She doesn't want to fail me - she doesn't want to leave me. I'm the problem."_

"We leave in a week on a multi-month tour," the conductor's booming voice shook Kumiko back into the real world. "If she proves herself by then, I'll have no problem accepting her. She has the skill to catch up to our program on the road. But I'm not holding my breath."

The wind chilled her bones as it blew against her neck and Kumiko was glad she wore the large overcoat. She wrapped herself up in her own thoughts, and was very nearly hit by a car that, in any other situation, she'd have seen. The screeching brakes and blaring horn finally got through to the girl, who rushed quickly out of the way "Sorry!" she called behind her. She was only considering leaving Reina, not life itself. _Although,_ she thought, _the consequences would be the same._

Kumko was absolutely distraught when she arrived home. She hurried into the bathroom in order to avoid Reina's piercing gaze. Panic sweat broke out on the nape of her neck, on her palms, and she could feel herself shaking from the core while all of the terrible feelings she held back threatened to spill out. She didn't dare look at the mirror while undressing for her shower; she feared the look in her eyes - tearful and crazed with worry.

" _She has no idea that you spoke to the conductor. There's no need to hide."_ But the thought didn't stop her heart from beating erratically, or her hands from shaking, or tears from falling from her eyes.

"Did you just run in here, Kumiko?" Reina called into the bathroom. "Everything alright?"

Wrapped up in her thoughts once again, Kumiko was startled by Reina's clear voice and let out a loud "Eep!" as she nearly slipped in the tub.

"Y-yeah! All good!"

A few beats of uncertain silence passed before she heard the soft patter of Reina's feet walking away from the door. A deep sigh escaped her lips. The decision felt like something of a death sentence no matter how she looked at it. In fact, she almost would've prefered to choose a method of her own execution rather than whether or not to leave her girlfriend; at least the execution meant that she wouldn't have to go on living without Reina for the rest of her days - or even worse, that she prevented the love of her life from reaching the heights she could have achieved.

To call off their relationship, and in turn support Reina's career (at the cost of each other's happiness) or to stay and be the final nail in a softly cushioned coffin - was a good ending possible at all? Beneath the showerhead, the bathroom obscured with steam, Kumiko doubted there was anything good to wait for at the end of either path.

~!~

Six days passed since Kumiko had spoken to the conductor which left only one day before the ensemble left for many months, and Reina's chances with them. Kumiko tried hard to make the best of these final days even before she consciously made her decision. She and Reina went on dates, they made love and found comfort in one another's arms, they had been happy simply being together and if it were possible Kumiko would have chosen to relive those days over and over forever. Who needed a future?

In her heart - now bruised, now sickly beating - the former euphonium player carried the weight of her choice, one she had yet to reveal to the raven-haired girl of her dreams. Kumiko could hardly be around Reina on that day; it was as if her guilt was a visible cloud threatening to rain down the words and thoughts she was barely keeping at bay behind her tongue. One day left, and each passing second nearly drove her mad.

She had called Haruka once she made the decision. The former upperclassmen deserved, at least, to know the outcome of the talk she had had with a confused friend.

"Is that so?" her motherly voice carried over even through the phone's invisible airwaves. "I can't say whether it's right or wrong, but if you think it's for the best then I'll believe in you."

Hurting and unsure of how to respond, Kumiko could only thank her again for her help before she hung up the phone.

" _It has to be today."_ she thought, pacing around her living room. " _Today."_ She stood before the mirror and slapped at her cheeks lightly, to clear her head. " _Today."_

Reina walked in only a few moments later looking more beautiful than ever before, although how and why were perhaps due to that same beauty being a commodity Kumiko would lose access to after this. The sun settled like a golden laurel around her head. An electric energy lit up the room. Reina's amethyst eyes and black hair contrasted the pastel walls around them. This beauty momentarily stunned Kumiko, who could not even greet her girlfriend with a "hello". To reach out and touch that beauty, to grasp at that electrical aura surrounding Reina was all Kumiko wanted in that moment.

"Rein-uh, he-he-" she stuttered pitifully.

"You're so weird sometimes, Kumiko." Reina laughed, her whole body shaking with the sound. Oh, that musical laugh! Kumiko had to bite her lip to keep from crying out loud.

Kumiko looked at the clock - there was only an hour left before the ensemble stopped practicing. Only an hour left for Reina to prove herself to them. Reina seated herself on the couch, reading yet again, and Kumiko felt that each step she took towards the girl was like that of a man walking towards the electric chair. She heard the roar of lethal electricity in the air, or thought that she could. She was her own executioner; the fatal lever was already in her grasp.

One gulp. A second. A deep breath, and then -

"Reina I - we need to talk."

She looked up from her book inquisitively, and Kumiko grasped her hands, her soft, soft hands, and pulled her up to stand. Their faces were close, just like so many times in the past when one had to gain the undivided attention of the other. Reina's mountain confession came to Kumiko's mind once again, as did the promise she made never to abandon the trumpet player. Only, what she was about to do was the exact opposite of everything she swore on that important day.

"What is it?" the black-haired girl asked.

A million different ways to answer Reina flooded into her head that moment, none of which she could utter as if her tongue refused to allow the words to pass.

"I - we...wehavetobreakup." the words tasted like poison as they tumbled out of her mouth. A moment passed, and then a second one.

"Kumiko, don't joke about something like that."

Now that the blow had been dealt, the brunette no longer had any apprehension in finishing. In fact the words poured out easily, much to her disgusted appreciation. She could see the evil deed through to the end.

"I'm not kidding, Reina. I'm doing this for your own good. I know just how important your dream is to you and I love you enough to do whatever it takes for you to achieve that dream. Even if it means hurting you."

"That's...that's not worth you leaving me." Reina seemed to struggle for each word, as if her mind had slowed to a crawl.

"Do you remember when I told you that I'd become a villain if it meant supporting you to the end? Well, this is it; this is the evil action I have to take. If you hate me for it, then it's all the better."

"H-how is this going to help me at all?!" Reina, for the first time since her breakdown at the fateful middle school ensemble finals, was at the verge of hysterics.

"Because," Kumiko smiled through tears, "You have no reason to hold back now. No one to be afraid of disappointing, no one to worry about being lonely when you go off on long tours. You, alone, can show that conductor - no the _world_ \- just how special you are. How special I _know_ you are."

Reina looked as though she retreated into herself, and in that moment Kumiko picked up the girl's trumpet case and thrust it into her hands.

"Kumiko - please, please don't do this." But the deed was already done, and Reina knew it. They were actors now, going through the motions. Reading pre-written lines. If they stuck to the script, perhaps the pain would not be so great as to crush them from heartache alone.

"I'm doing this because I love you enough to hurt you, if it means you'll be happier in the end."

She brought Reina in for a quick, a final hug and gave her a kiss on the cheek that burned both her lips and Reina's face. "Now go. You have less than an hour."

Reina didn't move. Her eyes were fearfully plastered on the case in her hands as though she was holding a human skull.

"Go, or all this was for nothing." Kumiko lightly shoved Reina towards the door. Mechanically, the trumpet player started walking out of it before she turned to face her now ex-girlfriend.

"I told you that I'd kill you if you ever abandoned me." Her beautiful face was contorted into something between righteous anger and terrible, painful sadness. If there was a time during the break-up that Kumiko wanted to take it all back, it was after seeing real evidence of the crime in Reina's eyes.

But Kumiko smiled sadly. She smiled despite herself. "What do you think hurting you so badly has done to me? I feel dead already."

She closed the door and stood before it as she listened to Reina's footsteps fade down the hall.

The easy part was over. The hard part, the lonely agony, would come soon.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Reviews and criticism are greatly appreciated.**


	4. Chapter 4

**All I can really say is that I'm very thankful for all the support readers have shown for this story. It feels great to finally get back into the swing of things and just write - especially a story with multiple chapters.**

 **Please enjoy the conclusion to this little fic of mine.**

* * *

Kumiko kept them in her photo album, towards the back and protected in plastic sleeves. Each postcard she received from Reina originated from a different place extending up and down the country, from small towns to large cities. Every one of them represented an important attraction in a shiny photograph that felt so manufactured Kumiko almost doubted some of them were real places and not plastic models. None of the postcards ever had anything written on the back except for Kumiko's name and address in Reina's quick, almost thoughtless handwriting. None had any writing besides the first, which simply said "thank you" in the neatest handwriting Kumiko had ever seen Reina produce. The only other piece of mail that came in, beside her bills, was the monthly check sent to Reina from her parents. The brunette appreciated that her ex-girlfriend had not told her parents anything about their breakup, and in turn the apartment was still being paid for.

There was no contact between the two girls after Kumiko quite literally pushed Reina out the door. At any moment when the desire to reach out to Reina, to hear her voice, came over the brunette she beat it back. She would swallow hard as though a rock was stuck in her throat and then clean her apartment to get her mind off of that desire. Suffice it to say, the place was spotless. For her, disturbing Reina on the tour was tantamount to sabotage; she didn't want to undo all of the work and pain that went into the decision. Reina tried calling only once on the very night of the audition and Kumiko gripped the arms of her chair until her knuckles were white to stop herself from answering the phone. The silence following the phone's pitiful peals felt unimaginably heavy. Unbearably so.

That same night Kumiko stuffed some clothing into a bag and escaped the crushing silence of her home. Like a physical force it settled on everything, pushing it down into the earth with a strength that rivaled the pressure in the Marianas Trench. She traveled the streets thoughtlessly and ended up outside of the apartment where Sapphire - no, _Midori_ Kawashima currently lived. Hesitantly she rang the doorbell, somewhat surprised at finding herself there.

"Hello - oh, Kumiko! Come in!"

The short girl had barely grown since high school, and was similarly just as kind as she had been back then too. She was dressed in her green pajamas, and the cutesy Tuba-chan pattern only added to her already young look.

"What brings you here so late?" she asked, expertly glossing over any awkwardness that should have come from the reappearance of an old friend at one's door late in the night. The two had kept in touch semi-regularly, but they weren't as close as they used to be. Life, as it tends to, got in the way. Kumiko fidgeted in her seat. " _I don't deserve this kindness."_ she thought.

"I-I just needed to get out, you know? And I kinda...ended up here."

Midori looked her friend in the eyes and smiled as kindly as she could; she could see through the brunette's facade entirely. "Is that really everything, Kumiko?"

Kumiko stuttered a bit but ultimately gave up and explained the situation. For her part Midori listened well, kindly urging Kumiko on whenever she'd stop and fall into helpless, pitiful thought.

"I guess I was wondering if I could stay here for a few days?" Kumiko asked. "I don't want to be there when she goes home to pack or something. Seeing Re...seeing her right now would be too hard. I know I'd try and stop her from leaving me for so long - forever."

"Absolutely, Kumiko. Make yourself at home for as long as you need." Midori answered without hesitating.

She pulled Kumiko in for a tight hug. She was even thoughtful enough not to complain about Kumiko's tears drenching her pajama top.

~!~

Kumiko returned home two days later and settled into a complacent, everyday ritual that she relied on to keep herself from drifting into helplessness. She woke up and headed to her classes early each morning, spending much of her time reading or studying. After class she worked in the market below her apartment; dealing with customers took a lot of her attention, and for that she was grateful. When she inevitably returned home she cleaned religiously, and took her meals in silence afterwards. Kumiko began practicing the euphonium again too, hoping to replace the loss of beautiful music in the empty apartment and trying to draw some connection, a shared presence, to Reina once more. She ceased sleeping in her room, the biggest change in her home life. The empty bed was too alien now, as cold and lonely to her as the surface of the moon. Instead, the couch was her new bed and she slept dreamlessly. Even in her sleep she worked hard to prevent herself from conjuring up images of Reina.

Nearly a year passed by in this way, although Kumiko avoided thinking about time. It stopped for her when she "became a villain" and changed into a formless mass marked only by the flow of day and night, and the occasional postcard. These postcards were treasured items to her, gold and silver in paper form.

She received one, almost exactly a year after her ex-girlfriend left, that pictured their own town's main attraction: 'Le Sons Erratiques', the historic bar where Reina played so often. It took a few minutes for Kumiko to grasp what this meant. Like it was an ancient text she scoured the picture for any hint that it didn't mean what she thought - no, feared - that it might mean, but came up short. This postcard was proof that Reina was back in town, perhaps even that the tour was over, and in spite of herself this was an event that Kumiko feared beyond even death. Uncertainty and ambiguity plagued her like locusts.

What would happen now that Reina was back? Would they get back together? Would this be avoided, to give Reina the opportunity to keep moving forward in her career? Would they be excited to see one another again? Or angry? Desperate? Upset? A million and one situations unfolded themselves in Kumiko's mind. She had to lay down and close her eyes to stave off a headache.

The most pressing issue, however, was whether or not this meant that there would be non-postcard communication between the two. Kumiko wondered if she should call, or perhaps wait to be called on? Would they meet again in person, or avoid each other and instead keep up the postcards as their only communication? Kumiko felt her routine and its numbing comfort crumble around her. Once again she worried about Reina, and about their relationship - or lack thereof. She couldn't study anymore at school, and her apartment's tidiness seemed to fall out of line more and more each day.

Only a few days passed Kumiko lost any control over the situation. Fall began to take hold on the city, and the endless, vivid blue of the sky filled people with a comfortable joy. Kumiko, restless and confused, decided to take a quick walk to clear her head; what better to beat back a cloudy mind than a bright sky? Still, she could barely focus on her surroundings. The questions that popped up when she received the most recent postcard stuck in her mind without rest. The streets that day were filled with an unusually large crowd, everyone bumping into one another without much notice. Kumiko immediately knew something was wrong when she felt a strong hand grab her upper arm instead of simply bumping her and passing by. She turned around hurriedly, unsure of what to do except that it had to be _something_ instead of _nothing_ and nearly died of a heart attack when she came face to face with her 'assailant'. The beautiful purple eyes of Reina Kousaka stared at her with an unrivaled intensity, accompanied by a smile wide as the Earth.

So she ran. Not knowing why, not thinking even a bit, she ran from that grip and those intense eyes - the power they had over her was too great. She could feel herself shaking from the core of her body. Her legs were nearly jello, but still she ran.

Kumiko heard Reina call after her, but she didn't stop. The brunette collided with other pedestrians, some of whom yelled at her, and yet her legs continued to propel her further.

Breathing hard and drenched in sweat, Kumiko leaned hand-on-forehead against a utility pole when she had finally stopped running. Her breathing was deep and ragged, and her legs ached as though she had just finished a marathon. Her heart was in pain; from running or from Reina she didn't know.

"Oi...why did I do that?" she grumbled to herself. "It's only going to make things worse."

Regretfully she congratulated herself on not looking back to avoid witnessing the hurt in Reina's eyes. Once at home she tried to call Reina, but to no avail; the girl wouldn't pick up her phone. Kumiko didn't blame her, though. She'd probably do the same if the situations were reversed. " _Tomorrow"_ she thought. " _I'll go to the theater tomorrow and talk to her there"_.

~!~

The same fear Kumiko felt after seeing Reina the day before resurfaced while she stood just outside the door to the theater. " _Where is this feeling coming from?"_ she wondered. A cool autumn wind blew and she shivered. To escape from the chill she gathered her resolve and went in.

"Hello?" she called out into the dark room. The place was barely lit; the normal fiery glow replaced by dim lights lining the walls of the room. The stage itself was the night, dark and silent. Kumiko uncertainly made her way around the large room looking for any signs of life. There seemed to be none

"Hello?" she called again. "Reina?"

Absorbed in her own thoughts she failed to hear the footsteps behind her or feel their pressure, until she was tapped on the shoulder by a large hand.

"Ah!" she squeaked and turned around on her heels to find the solid body of the conductor and his unreadable face peering down at her.

"Why don't you come with me? You seem panicked."

The conductor lead her to a back room, office-like in its layout and design. Pictures of countless musicians lined the walls, former ensemble players and famous people alike. The room smelled vaguely of mildew but was otherwise neat. A large oak desk separated the two, and the bottle of water he offered Kumiko sat unopened. In front of the conductor sat a steaming cup of coffee.

"She's good, that one." He started. "A real talent."

"Do you know where she is?" Kumiko ignored his conversation starter. "I haven't been able to reach her at all."

The conductor ignored her question in return and went on. "You know, she only talked about two things with us: music, and you. Every conversation with Ms. Kousaka lead to her observations regarding our show, or some thoughts about you. For nearly a year!" he grumbled, half in jest. "Assuming, of course, that you're _her_ Kumiko."

"I am! Uh, was - well, uh...she talked about me?"

"Incessantly."

"Was it...good stuff? Because I have a feeling she might've been a bit hurt - wait, do you know where she is now? That's what's important." Kumiko shook her head to clear her mind a bit. She had to stay on topic, and for now that was finding Reina. She could ask the girl later about her Kumiko-centric conversations.

He hesitated for a few moments. "She asked me not to say anything."

"Eh?"

"Yesterday she came and asked for a place to stay."

 _Yesterday? That was when -_ "Did she say why?"

"You know Reina better than I - does she ever explain herself? She didn't tell me a thing."

Kumiko grumbled something under her breath.

"Still, I feel I owe her - she truly brought something unique to our ensemble."

"So you won't tell me?" Kumiko's face dropped.

"Rather, I will. She was distressed yesterday and if you can fix it, it'd ultimately be better for _me._ I can't have my star performer upset."

Kumiko opened her mouth in protest - she didn't want to be used as some kind of mediator - but closed it before she said anything to upset the unreadable man who held all the information she needed.

"So, uh…"

"Miss Kousaka is staying at Le Sons Erratiques, a few blocks away. I know the owner, so I asked him to let her stay for some time."

" _Of course! The jazz club makes total sense!"_

Kumiko nearly jumped out of her seat, pulling on her green canvas coat at the same moment. "Thank you!" she reached forward to shake his hand.

Unfortunately she also managed to knock the man's coffee all over him. His expression was still unreadable, but from his strict "Go. Now." she figured he _might_ be angry.

There was a kind of frantic nervousness in her steps as Kumiko rushed to the jazz bar. An animalistic, instinctual fear that her prey would escape if she took too long to get it, and that failing would leave her empty enough to die. What if Reina had found another place to stay already? What if she had skipped town, believing that she had no home to go back to? Unwanted, unloved, and alone - if Kumiko's actions stirred up those feelings in Reina she would never forgive herself.

To her extreme annoyance Kumiko found that the club was still closed, and would be until that evening. It was early in the morning; the sun still on it's path towards noon. This was inexcusable, and in an uncharacteristic rage she banged on the door a few times - to no avail. Across the street was a coffee shop with outdoor tables where Kumiko and Reina regularly spent time together, and with fire in her veins Kumiko decided to stay there all day if she had to. She needed to be ready the moment she saw anyone go to open the club.

~!~

An eternity passed. Time felt to Kumiko like a kind of cosmic prank with how slow it sauntered and how long she still had left. She nursed a cup of tea after finishing two coffees quicker than she should have. The caffeine sent lighting through her veins, and that only made sitting around and waiting even worse.

In reality an eternity had not passed; about five hours did before she spied a person unlocking the door to the club. Kumiko nearly stumbled over herself as she rushed to the door, and managed to catch the man before he closed it behind him.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but we're not open yet. Come back later on tonight." the door nearly closed before she could reply.

"Wait! Wait - I just have a question."

"Yes?"

"Is...is there a girl staying here? A 'Reina Kousaka'?"

"Yes, actually. Why?"

"I need to see her. She was my - we are - well, I'm not so sure, but it's important that I talk to her as soon as possible."

"You, uh, wouldn't happen to be Kumiko, would you?"

She noded, confused.

"Miss Reina asked me not to let you in…."

Kumiko was absolutely deflated. Her heart sank, but still she pressed on.

"A-are you sure that's what she said?"

"Almost verbatim."

Her head hung low, Kumiko trudged home wanting to simply lay down and die.

She vowed to try once more to contact the girl - if after that Reina still didn't want to see her, she'd quit. It would be the very last time she would try. The outcome could only be despair and heartache, but Kumiko resolved to leave Reina alone if that's what she truly wanted.

~!~

She needed to be disguised one more time in order to enter the jazz club and get past the bouncer. This time, however, she didn't want to totally hide who she was; when she faced Reina she wanted to do it as herself. She tied her hair into a ponytail and donned a pair of sunglasses. Hopefully it'd be enough.

A sheen of sweat coated the nape of her neck as Kumiko made her way to the entrance of the club. Around her were the sounds and smells of life; food scents drifted along the breeze as did the vaguely stale smell of the streets. Murmurs and laughter and snippets of conversation were comforting to hear and the buzz of voices distracted Kumiko's clouded, worried mind. Her fingers fidgeted and she shuffled from one foot to the other while she waited. Outside of the jazz bar was a fairly large sign with Reina's face; she'd be playing tonight, and was now a big enough local star to draw crowds. Kumiko refused to look at the sign no matter how much her heart tried to betray her. The line moved rather quickly once the doors opened, and in no time she found a seat near the back. Kumiko kept her head low and her sunglasses on, hoping to prevent being found and thrown out.

The wait that night was excruciating. The bar was packed, as was the playlist of performers who each had a set. On any other occasion Kumiko would've cheered for every player and cherished the wonderful music they made, but that night the sounds were grating and left a taste in her mouth like ash. All of those performers on stage, all of the customers in the bar - they were infringing on her and Reina's re-connection. They were sitting in on a sacred ritual, a sacrament, as heathens who corrupted what should be a private moment. Kumiko wanted nothing more than to get them all out of the way, but she held her tongue and smoldered in her seat. None of that mattered. Right then, only Reina did.

" _Where's Reina?"_ she thought many times that night. Magma-like panic rose up through her chest and nearly burned her from the inside. Tears sprung from her eyes. Fighting them back proved fruitless.

Her waiting paid off in the end, however. Hours had passed, slowly and painfully, until the last act of the night stepped out to a thunderous applause. Reina glided onto the stage, illuminated overhead like an angel.

When she looked back years later, this performance was the first and only time music had ever driven Kumiko Oumae to tears from its beauty. She sat dumbstruck and inconsolable as the notes passed over her, flowed through her like a sieve but for the bits her heart clung to, too big and powerful to fit through fine mesh. Reina's eyes were closed this time, unlike when Kumiko had seen her first play at the bar. Whether this was from sadness or comfort, or a lack of a need to 'challenge' the audience now that she was on the path to her goal the brunette didn't know. Time flowed in a strange way - magnetism and gravity and time and space warping around just the two of them. The set passed quickly and then slowly, or otherwise seemed to last forever, and yet ended too suddenly all the same. Kumiko felt unable to sense the people around her, their presence or pressure. The world itself almost fell to the wayside. It was as though they were floating together in space.

Kumiko, at the end of the set, was in a daze and did not notice when the lights were raised and the other patrons began to leave. She heard and saw them, of course, but they were paper dolls to her and their actions background noise.

"Hey ma'am, the club is closing." a hand shook her shoulder and in pieces she reappeared into the world. She opened her mouth to answer, but was cut off. The man before her was the same as the one that morning.

"Aren't you Kumiko?" he asked, looking into her face more. "You're not supposed to be here!"

She bolted up then, startling the man momentarily, and rushed the stage where she saw the retreating figure of Reina. Tables thrust themselves in her way and she created a cacophonous song of clinking plates and smashed glasses while she ran through the seating area.

"Reina!" she called. "Reina, wait!"

Reina, eyes wide as saucers, turned around just in time to see Kumiko pull herself over the lip of the stage in a running leap and land hard on her knees. The black haired girl backed away slowly, at first unable to tear her eyes from the scene. She broke into a run a few seconds later and in desperation Kumiko followed suit.

The girls ran - one chasing, one following - through the oddly labyrinthine hallways in the back of the club. Kumiko tripped over herself once or twice, while Reina flew with swan-like grace just out of the brunette's reach. The chase went on until they found themselves cornered by a dead end. Reina busted open a door that lead outside only to find a small lot surrounded on all sides by large walls. There was nowhere left to run. Above both girls the moon shone lustrously behind thin clouds.

Kumiko bent over, hands on her knees, breathing hard. "W-wait." she panted, "Please...just...hear me out."

The trumpet player refused to look at the girl. She stood motionlessly, seething. Kumiko could have sworn that the anger emanating from Reina was heating up the chilly autumn air around them.

"I understood - after a few days I understood - why you broke up with me Kumiko. And really, I appreciate it. I realize that you hadn't _abandoned_ me at all." Reina spoke before Kumiko could get a word out. "Or, that's what I thought until you ran away from me yesterday. I've never felt so terrible in my whole life."

Kumiko stepped closer; Reina stepped back. "I'm really, really sorry about that. I didn't expect to see you so soon - I didn't know how to react."

"That's no excuse. You _ran_ from me like you never wanted to see me again."

"That's - trust me, that's not how I felt at all."

"Then you're terrible at showing your true feelings."

The girls stood separated by what Kumiko felt were miles, although it was only a few feet at most. She couldn't find the right words to explain herself and Reina's arm-crossed stance didn't suggest an open mind anyway.

"That's the problem exactly." Kumiko grumbled. "I really can't get how I feel across to you."

"Then tell me how you feel, right now. No more running, and no more games." Reina asked. As always, she was direct.

"Like the villain I told you I'd be. Only, being a villain hurt more than I ever imagined."

Reina uncrossed her arms, but refused to look Kumiko in the eyes.

"And yet, I wouldn't change my decision even if I could. You finally got a taste of being 'special' - a good start. I'd be worse than a villain if I took that from you." Kumiko paused and chose her next words carefully. "I guess what I'm feeling is...is scared. I'm still frightened at the thought of losing you to fame and fortune, even when I know it's for the best. It's so selfish and weak of me."

Tears streamed from Kumiko's eyes, try as she might to hold them back. Reina hadn't answered but she let out something that sounded like a giggle, which confused and angered the brunette. Standing beneath a halo of moonlight, Reina ran a hand through her hair and then spoke. For a moment Kumiko could have sworn the girl was glowing, was finally exposing the otherworldly spirit inside that Kumiko knew she had.

"That's not selfish at all, Kumiko." her voice was smooth and carried notes of understanding, of kindness. Lavender softness appeared in her eyes, totally different from the hard amethyst they were before.

"How isn't it selfish? You deserve honor and fame, and yet I want -"

Reina cut her off. "It's not selfish because I feel the same way you do. All of the fame and respect I gained on the tour meant nothing to me when I realized how lonely I was without you."

Kumiko couldn't believe what she was hearing. She felt that this had to be a dream. The painful pounding in her chest convinced her otherwise.

"So now _I'm_ going to be selfish." Reina continued. "Kumiko, please stand by me - even if it hurts you. Even if you're lonely sometimes. I'll make it up to you one day, I promise."

The brunette felt overwhelmed by emotion as though she were hit by a tidal wave: happiness, fear, sadness, anger, elation - these feelings washed over her without pause or mercy. Reina, one hand outstretched towards Kumiko, gazed with her unwavering eyes and waited for the future-deciding decision. One choice connected them with the red string of fate. The other would separate the girls forever, as though with an unscalable wall or an impossible distance.

Kumiko stood up straight and met Reina's gaze with the same intensity. Her heartbeat was calm and measured, strengthened by her resolve.

She took a step forward and placed her hand in the other girl's.

It was a confession of love, after all.

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 **Thanks for reading! I hope the story lived up to everyone's expectations.**

 **As always, reviews and criticism are both greatly appreciated.**


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